Cancellations

I can't just be me that finds cancellations one of the most annoying things in the world - yes there is something I find more annoying than Fred Barlow and cancellations are it.

The most irritating form it comes in is cheques. This is especially troublesome in my line of work as I deal solely in cash and cheques and there is nothing worse than when someone writes a bad cheque or writes one that will actually clear but then cancels it before I can put it in the bank.

This week alone I have had three, yes three, cheques cancelled on me so quite clearly something needed to be done and being a private investigator it really wasn't hard for me to find out where these deadbeat clients were hiding from me and took even less time for me to beat my money out of them. In my line of work you either get paid or you starve, or get whacked, or get walked all over by scumbags.

It did get me thinking though about other things being cancelled and why it is that you have no control over them. Bus and trains being cancelled are one of the more frustrating things for the general population since they often lead to people having to stand around in the cold and the wet waiting for something that is never going to come and on rare occasions does leave individuals stranded.

I tend to avoid public transport so that doesn't bother me too much though every time I seem to have to take a plane it gets cancelled.

The other form of cancellation that really annoys me is when TV series are cancelled - especially halfway through a series. The one that most people gripe about is Firefly, and yes it was amazing but there are other series like the Visitors, Sports Night, the Magnificent Seven and Caprica that were all cut short in their prime. It's one thing that Fred and Harry never seem to shut up about.

It worries me that most of their conversation seems to be orientated around topics like television and Star Wars and other things that they seem to talk about just to annoy me, but then again it is still better than listening to Rick and Harry discussing which of their female conquests that they have in common.

May the Fourth Be With You

Other than Halloween, today is the only day that I expect to turn around a corner and run straight into Darth Vader. 

Granted the first time this happened, about two years ago now, I was not only surprised to walk straight into Darth Vader but surprised to discover that inside the confines of the costume was a then police constable. Yes, you've guessed it, Fred Barlow is a Star Wars geek.

I wasn't sure which of the two was a more difficult concept to process - that I hadn't just happened across David Prowse or James Earl Jones or that Fred Barlow was spending his day off dressing up as Darth Vader and rushing to some secret event.

Naturally I had no choice but to follow him. There are, after all, few times in life when there is honestly nothing that could be more amusing than what you are about to witness.

I was hoping for some form of children's birthday party where he had been hired as the entertainment and would have to dance to Michael Jackson's Beat it, accompanied by Stormtroopers. Sadly though it was a private party in a bar, for which I was denied entry due to my lack of costume. Not even waving my impressive arsenal in their faces could move them to allow me in.

This called for drastic action. It took me half an hour to locate and change into a more suitable outfit. Thankfully I did not have to dress as Princess Leia as I really did not want to feature as the centre piece in any fantasy those around me may have been prone to. Instead Boba Fett provided me a way past the Wookie and Gamorrean that guarded the entrance. On the whole it would have been a fairly normal costume party except for the life-sized game of Dejarik being played in the corner. 

What caught my eye the most was the force lightning competition, which Fred seemed to have entered into. Round by round the contestants were whittled down until only five remained. The remaining five then had to recreate the lightsaber duel with Luke Skywalker (the rotund bar owner in this case) from The Empire Strikes Back. The whole thing would have lost its appeal had it not been for Fred making it through to the the lightsaber duel. It is surprisingly difficult to suppress laughter dressed as a bounty hunter, especially when Fred was declared the winner and asked to remove his mask.

Strangely enough the whole thing was supposed to be a secret, so when the photos turned up plastered all over the offices and cells of the police station it was probably a touch embarrassing. Still have no idea how it happened...or where I put the negatives...