Sunday, 25 March 2012

How Not To Escape A Prison Cell

After the last few days I have learnt several hard lessons: -

1) Trying to steal the key does not work as there is no keyhole on the inside of prison cell doors.
2) Equally, lockpicking is redundant for the afore mentioned reasons.
3) Trying to escape from prison cells leads to missing more meals.
4) Fred Barlow isn’t the bad guy I would like to make him out to be.
5) Men in suits aren’t necessarily the enemy…it doesn’t make them any less annoying but in the case not who I should be fighting against.
6) Mrs. Weldon was not the harlot that surveillance made her out to be…

None of this would have been discovered if there had not been several attempts made to escape captivity. I have never done well inside stone walls, especially if those stone walls have iron bars on them. So after all the time I have spent locked up here, I thought it was high time that I was out on the street again trying to avenge myself on Mrs. Weldon, Henry A. Weldon and men in suits. There are many different ways in which escape from prison cells can be made. There are the classic stealing keys, sawing through bars and dressing up as washer women, granted that none of these are particularly effective in modern cells, but nether-the-less a good way to alleviate boredom.

It was during a sojourn from my cell that I happened upon Fred Barlow arguing with the men in suits. Arguing with men in suits I can understand and indeed have indulged myself. However this was most interesting to happen across as Fred was actually arguing in my favour, seemingly trying to get me released.

There are not many occasions when this police sergeant isn’t the most annoying being in all creation, but seemingly today was a day when he was forgoing his usual nature. The men in suits also seemed to be bucking their trend in being the cause of most of my trouble and more surprisingly, Mrs. Weldon was there…

They seemed to be arguing the same point in different ways for what seemed like hours but was more like fifteen minutes. Eventually they resolved their disagreement with a decision to bring me forth from my rotting cell to explain the situation I was caught up in.

It was at this moment that I felt it prudent to reveal my presence…for some reason I ended up pinned to the floor with three guns to my head…

Why is it nobody ever just welcomes me with a hug?

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