Tuesday, 15 March 2011

The Case of Mrs. Weldon - Day 5

The fire damage is fortunately minimal to my office and apartment, the rest of the building however was not so lucky. A few of my neighbours had less than polite things to say as I picked my way up the char-grilled stairs. They were never exactly civil towards me, but this latest escapade had earned me a more malicious tirade than before.

Sadly you can't shoot people to teach them manners. I can't imagine why it's frowned upon, whenever I've done it in the past it's been very effective...though it has earned me several restraining orders and nights in jail cells. I sometimes think the breakdown in society, though very good for my business, could be altered dramatically if I was allowed to go out every now and then putting bullets into the knee caps of people that spit and litter.

However rude neighbours were the least of my worries. Someone was serious about their threats towards me, though I couldn't help but feel I had been subject to two conflicting pieces of advice – or two piece of potentially lethal advice.

If I had done as one piece of advice suggested and stayed in my flat then I would have been in the fire and probably have died from smoke inhalation. I didn't mind that someone was possibly trying to kill me. It happens with surprising frequency, though so far I have proven very resilient to death – God just doesn't seem to want me to join him yet, well either him or the Devil, maybe neither of them are interested in my soul.

What I minded was that I didn't know who was trying to kill me. If I had the attention span to sit down and go through a list of everyone who I had ever made an enemy out of who may want me dead it would be an extremely long list. My neighbours quite probably at the top of it. Such a list would not only be extremely unhelpful but also a huge waste of drinking and smoking time.

So I resolved on having an early night and if I were still alive in the morning I would go meet with Mr. Weldon, go and annoy Mrs. Weldon some more and see if anyone else tried to kill me.

It's times like this that make me glad I became a P.I. I'd be bored to death otherwise...

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